For much of my life, I was a person who pursued things that I was already good at. All my education and career choices utilized skills that I had a natural talent for...if I wasn't good at it, it wasn't worth my consideration. I suspect this isn't a particularly remarkable trait...we usually like the things we are good at and are good at the things we like.
[Are you flexible because you do yoga, or do you do yoga because your are flexible?]
However, this latest batch of schooling (teaching certification in biology) does not draw as heavily my strengths. Or at least my strengths, as I've defined them. So it's very interesting to hover in this place between understanding and confusion, ease of effort and hard work. I kinda like it.
This whole project is very meta (one "t") in that I keep switching back and forth from being a student of the subject to imagining teaching it, so when I do get stuck, my mind vacillates between getting annoyed at the difficulty and appreciating the learning value of having to concentrate on something. In a way, it feels very akin to yoga and its work on quieting the fluctuations of the mind.
I suspect,(and I've said it before) if you can handle the insecurity of not knowing for sure (which is really all life is about, anyway, right?), it's a good place to be. Having to think, but not being validated with the right answer.
And then, when you do figure out the answer, or at least come to terms with the question, that can be its own reward.
But what do I know, anyway....
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1 comment:
I hear you sista! I am currently attending a yoga teacher training class and struggling with all of the things you have mentioned above in one way or another. The insecurities come and go, but in the end I am LEARNING. And really... aren't we all? Thanks for your blog!
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