Not only is today Eamonn's birthday, but it is also the fifth anniversary of my becoming a mother. Both momentous (and simultaneous) occasions in our household; the earth shifted and everything changed.
I often think about what a curious hazing early parenthood is--no sleep, a wailing baby, lots of blood and other bodily fluids, a complete lack of control. Also intense love, a desire to protect, possessiveness, joy, relief. All of these mighty emotions combined with the physical demands of healing and exhaustion rewire you completely. I wonder how different my brain chemistry is now compared to 2003--what neural pathways were connected to make sure I always think of the children first, hear a faint cry in the night, keep track of many disparate yet essential elements.
Yoga has been a touchstone through it all, especially in the early days when a Down Dog or Supta Baddha Konasana was my only connection to Life Before E. Not only did it unsnarl the painful knots that come from hunching over a helpless babe (why are they born before they can sit up?!?!?), but it helped me settle down and quiet voices that urged me to jump up and get something accomplished (impossible on 5 non-consecutive hours of sleep). Calming the Fluctuations...Pranayama, baby.
So here I am...five years out. A lot more experienced, not a whole lot smarter, but a more interesting person (I think). I live so much of my life outside of myself, these days, I think I have a much more mature perspective than I did back in the old days. After five years of trying to control the uncontrollable, you learn to let go a little bit. Chose your battles carefully. Turn the other cheek.
Here's to you, little man, as old as all the fingers on one hand. Happy Birthday, kiddo, and many Happy Returns!