Expand Your Reach

I hope you all had a lovely holiday (those of you celebrating Thanksgiving in November). I was so distracted with side dishes and a full belly, I missed the release of my latest article for Yoga Journal's My Yoga Mentor: "Expand Your Reach." It's about teaching yoga online, which is a really interesting proposition--no adjustments or close contact, but a ton of other ways to teach at your fingertips. In addition to some interviews with online teachers, I included several tools you can use to help set up your own site. I'm really interested to see how all of this develops, because there are a lot of exciting distance-learning examples out there in other disciplines. How will yogis take advantage of the Internet?

If you already have something going on, or need encouragement to start your own podcast, Jamie Kent of Yoga Downloads, noted that her site allows teachers to link their own classes, if they are up to snuff (so to speak). The link gives more information...

Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar...but most of the time it isn't

This was kinda fun. A facebook friend was looking for interviews for an article on messy/neat couples and, since she is a marriage therapist, she couldn't recommend any of her clients. So I sent her my contact info, because I though it sounded like an amusing project to think about. The journalist contacted me, I told some stories (with the husb.'s permission, of course) and there you are. One of my mother's neighbors ran a fresh copy of the Wall Street Journal over to their house, as soon as she read it. Fame in Ames, Iowa.

It's a light-hearted look, but some of the couples scared me a bit. I scared myself, remembering the rage that led to two less martini glasses, lo those many years ago (I plead as charged, but my defense was grad school stress). What is it about being a part of a couple that gives you (one) a sense of invincibility? You couldn't really get away with crushing your best friend's sunglasses on purpose, or throwing away your co-worker's clothing, or *gulp* distroying your roommate's cocktailware. At least not more than once. You'd get voted off the island.

And yet, with our best beloved we misbehave. Is it a holdover from childhood? Your parents have to love you no matter what and, since they're not around, you look to the next greatest love? Is it that you feel safe to overreact? That your passions are greater and emotions are felt more strongly that you act like a spoiled brat without fear of major repercussions?

It's interesting to think about because, probably, we have all taken our significant other for granted and not been the best partner. Maybe that is the security built into a strong, lasting relationship--that most transgressions will be forgiven to maintain the partnership. Like the article says, usually the problem isn't dirty socks on the floor, anyway, but something bigger.

Still, as adults, I wonder why we allow ourselves to be that childish. Especially since, at some point, there may be a trangression that is unforgiveable. Goodbye island.

I'm much better about cleanliness, now that I've been beaten down by two tykes far messier than JRR. They say you get the kids that you deserve and I suspect the gods looked down six years ago, chuckled, and said, "Check this fussy chick out. Let's send her a couple of sons." So, I try not to get mad and ignore the Legos and Hot Wheels strewn about. Plus we have a lot more plastic dishes, so knocking them off the counter would just be noisy but not particularly dramatic.

Whadaya think, armchair psychologists? With the holidays soon upon us, this issue could come up more times than we'd like. What's the consensus? Security? Regression? The desire for new glassware?

Yuck.

Here we go again with the Choudhurys and their never-ending quest to popularize Birkram yoga: not that this information on their Olympic quest is anything new. If you haven't heard by now, they are trying to get yoga to be included as an Olympic sport. Just asana, of course--lots of lithe, bendy yogis touching their feet to their heads. The article notes that contestants are judged on strength, flexibility, alignment, difficulty of the optional poses and overall execution, but not their spirituality.

If you just boil it down to asana without any kind of inner reflection, then isn't it just floor exercise? Gymnastics is already an Olympic sport, so the ancient Greeks beat the Choudhurys to the punch. By about 2,786 years.

Bela Karolyi, you can sleep easy...

The Toe as Tail?

Still doing some housecleaning--next on the to-do list is sort out the links list and even, gasp, update my template. This turquoise green number is getting awfully dated-looking. Old School, and not in a good way.

But first, I'm freshly returned from Minneapolis, where I spent the whole weekend with modern dancers and--by extension--their bare feet. This was actually a costume design project for a fundraiser for the Peace House school in Tanzania. But feet were unshod and I was looking to answer my questions about toe mobility. There certainly was plenty of evidence for the benefits of working without shoes to strengthen the feet.

As I watched the dancers balance and spin, adjusting the weight of a body on a foot by moving the third toe or stretching all toes apart to provide a more stable base, I was impressed by the awareness each student had throughout her whole foot. I watched them when they were getting their notes after rehearsal, and still their feet were constantly in motion--not big movements, but subtle adjustments and shifting. Even during the dance, in a moment of pause, a toe would wiggle here or lift there, in anticipation of the next move.

It made me think of days bygone in summer school classes. If a teacher was particularly boring, or an un-airconditioned classroom was particularly warm, my mind would wander and I often studied my fellow summer schoolers' feet (in those days, in horrid fascination). What was so amusing was how much their toes would move around when they were just sitting there. It was almost as if toes took on the unconscious movement that a tail would make, if we still had one.

I don't know, maybe every movement of a tail is purposeful, but it seems like sometimes my cats just switch or "tap" their tails because they aren't doing anything else with it. Is that what happens with toes in a loose, comfortable shoe? A little expenditure of energy because nothing else is really moving? It's hard to check on yourself, since as soon as you think about your toes, you are aware of their actions...but sneak a peak at some one nearby (trickier, these days, if you're in a hemisphere with late fall)--maybe in class, or watching television at night.

Thoughts? Any experts on toes (or tails, for that matter)? I hadn't thought about the toe-tail thing for awhile, but now I'm on a bender. I guess it's a good thing feet don't gross me out any more...

Super-Late Link Love...

Gracious, this is woefully overdue. I sincerely apologize to everyone that has posted a link to GTTSB and hasn't received a shout-back yet. Hopefully I caught you on this list, but if I didn't, please let me know and I'll do another list in a week or so. There's a lot of good stuff out there, these days. A wide variety of themes, experiences and tones...which is kind of nice. I feel like one of the (sorta) Old Ladies of Blog (since 2006, Baby!) and it's been fun to watch this whole community grow.

In no particular order...
Yogini with a Twist Tina is doing slackline yoga, now! An strong, honest voice in the yoga blog world. Nice sequences, too.
Highs and Lows of a Suburban Yogini Some reasoned thinking about yoga from Across the Pond. Rachel has a nice personal discussion of her practice, life and other non-yoga projects.
The Devil Wears Prana Michelle offers tidbits of yoga wisdom, interviews, food for thought sprinkled with lovely pictures of her practice.
Yoga for Cynics Dr. Jay has a sly way with a turn of phrase...not cynical, exactly, but not one to suffer fools gladly, either. Beautiful photos.
Yogic Muse Brooks Hall shares her observations on her practice and her own habits, with good suggestions for dealing with it all.
Kitty This eco-chick offers several blogs on makeup, household products, etc. so her's a link to her profile...browse for yourself for some great suggestions of brands to try, strategies to adopt.
Yoga in my School Donna offers a very comprehensive site on teaching to kids, how to approach poses, and more.
Yoga Spy A truthful, gimlet-eyed look at yoga and the yoga culture here in the US.
Yoga Demystified Bob is everywhere, these days. Check out his latest push for "Yobo" and "Ratra"--dude can brand yoga faster than a Kapalabhati exhale!
It's All Yoga, Baby Roseanne has a keen eye for yoga controversies and hypocrisies...the discussions are thrilling. Check out the massive back-and-forth that came after her posts about Addidas yoga.
elephant journal This online magazine out of Boulder, CO covers a lot of eco-topics, but the yoga articles are very interesting and also get a lot of feedback. It also solicits articles from readers, if you are a writer and want some exposure.
Petals Yoga An upbeat report from Portland, OR.
Random Thoughts Just what it says it is...but it's a nice selection of observations from an Indian in the US--especially on the "my yoga is better than your yoga" debate.
Yoga Dork A close look at yoga developments from NYC. Lately lots of giveaways, too.
Enlightenment Ward A breathtakingly comprehensive list of Buddhist sites out there. And a tad snarky, which is fun. I'm meaning to take more time with this site because of all the new stuff (and I was having trouble keeping up with the yoga blogosphere...).

[Oof, now I know why I get so far behind in these lists...they take a lot of time. I'm going to stick with this all week, so give me a couple of days to catch everyone and update my page.]

Toe-ing the line...

Okay, dancer costumes delivered, YJ article edited...I think I'm ready for extracurricular writing again. Thank you for your patience.

I've been thinking about feet. As yogis, don't we all. The choreographer I am working with commented on how she could identify all of her dancers just by looking at a picture of their feet. At first I thought that was remarkable, but then I realized that I could probably do the same thing with my students with fairly accurate results. Where do you start when checking how someone is grounding in balance poses? The feet...and with that you see who polishes, who trims, who has bunions, who has an extra-long second toe, etc etc. Very personal, these appendages.

Feet used to completely gross me out (still not crazy about dirty toenails), but now I find them rather amazing--as I've said before. This article in last week's NYT Science section confirmed my fascination with the mechanics of the foot. But it didn't answer a question I've been pondering for years...what happens to mobility and flexibility to the toes?
I often do this sequence early in a a session, to get people thinking about their toes:

[Stand in Tadasana (Mountain Pose). Lift all your toes at once, and feel the rest of the foot settle into your mat. Now lower just the big toes. Now lift the big toes and just lower the little toes. Now lower the big toes, but keep all the toes in between lifted. Is this easy or hard? You can help yourself a bit, by mimicking the actions of the toes with the fingers (I don't know why this helps, but it does). Now lower all toes, so that each one has its own space to settle and notice how much more solid your stance is.]

I've noticed that it's extremely difficult for most people to move their toes individually. Is it shoes? Muscle development? Toe length? Both my boys (2 and 5) can drum their toes as if playing the piano, but it seems that few people over the age of 10 can barely isolate the big toe from the rest. I can, but I've spent a lot of time working on it. Do toes have the potential of fingers at birth, but the neural pathways are never built?

What do you think/know? It seems that having flexible, isolate-able toe movement would be something to work for--better balance, stronger feet and ankles--but is it something that is lost forever? How do you get it back? I will watch the modern dancers at our next dress rehearsal, because I suspect they have to be expressive down to each bare toe...

What ever happened to Dignity?

To me, dignity seems a noble goal. If you carry yourself with dignity, you present yourself with self-assurance and self-respect; you take your cues from within. You move with a sureness and calmness that suggests you are at peace with yourself and your choices (this is starting to sound like a facebook fortune). At least, this is how I see it.

I got to thinking about dignity when I was listening to an interview with economist Charles Kinney on NPR yesterday. He was talking about how access to television has moved women's rights forward in many third-world countries because of empowering stories on soap operas, etc. That may be the case in Brazil and Saudi Arabia, but TV in this country seems to have turned everyone into external validation junkies.

What is it with the "look at me, look at me! I'll do anything if you pay me/if you record me" all the time?!?! Remember when humiliating reality TV was eating a sheep's eyeball on Fear Factor? Now people expose their bodies, their habits, their families, their addictions, their souls in a constant, desperate attempt to get any producer's attention. I'm thinking, of course, of those pitiful parents in Colorado, who hid their six-year-old and told him to lie when they launched their balloon in order to get themselves another reality series (as if Wife Swap wasn't enough fame and adulation).

You would think yoga would be the perfect antidote for this insecurity. And yet even the yoga community seems full of practitioners keen on branding themselves and selling yoga shoes to "help spread the word"--as if the word wasn't spreading just fine on its own without a lot of pictures of hot, young bodies doing arm balances.

Didn't anyone's parents pay enough attention to them when they were kids?

So here's my idea: let's bring dignity back! Let's celebrate quiet satisfaction and inner peace. Let's value thinking and contemplation and shed the childish demands for attention. Cool it with the material desires...get internal!

How's that sound...anyone with me?

So You Think You Can Teach...

I'm surrounded by Eggheads. Professional Eggheads. Of my immediate relatives, there are seven Ph.Ds, five Masters' degrees, four university positions, at least one emeritus professorship, as well as publications, honors, titles, chairmanships, etc etc. This is a crowd that takes its education seriously. You can see why I get hung up on qualifications and trainings. I tear up during "Pomp and Circumstance."

With all the talk about "authentic" yoga, and asana teachers as fitness instructors and who should be teaching, and who is making a mockery of the whole discipline, I wonder, "What makes you think you can teach?" It's sounds like I'm being cheeky and rhetorical, but, honestly, I want to know.

If one has a solid, standard training--say six months to a year--meeting over weekends and learning all the asana, how to sequence them, modifications, a discussion of philosophy and history, maybe learning a bit of pranayama, student teaching--what is s/he really qualified to teach? To me, it seems, like s/he is ready to lead students through a safe, carefully-considered Hatha Yoga class. But, what about beyond that?

Yoga Alliance requires 20 (30 hr.s total) contact hours of instruction in yoga philosophy, yoga lifestyle and ethics for the 200 hr. R.Y.T. designation. The program is heavily weighted to asana, altho the techniques, training, and practice section (100 hrs.) includes kriya, mantras and meditation, evenly weighted between technique and teacher training. So how much time does that really leave for the spritual elements of yoga? And I'm not saying that this is a bad mix, but just that it's not a lot of time left for non-asana.

I suppose there is self-study to familiarize yourself with the texts most traditions refer to, but does that do anything beyod expand your own awareness? Does close-reading really prepare you to deal with your students' issues? Does reading the Bible make you a minister? Does investigating the Freudian canon make you qualified to psychoanalyze?

I think it's great to provide students with a context for their asana practice; to show them that Hatha is just one part of a much larger system. But this is as far as I go, because I just don't feel like I am qualified go beyond a simplified definition and explantion of the yamas and niyama or the other seven limbs. Do you?

I really want to know...how do other trainings prepare a teacher to go beyond asana? How much time did you spend on the spiritual aspects of yoga in your preparation to be a teacher? Are we really teaching it or giving lip-service to the rest of the discipline so that we're not "just" fitness instructors?

I've been thinking about this a lot and this is why I ask. What do you think: are we really qualified to teach this stuff or should it be left to the counselors, ministers, monks, and therapists?

American False Idols

Oh man, are there some juicy discussions going on out there in the yoga blogosphere(yogaspy, it's all yoga, baby, YogaChickie). I've been hanging back, without commenting, trying to decide what I think and I'm a little late to the conversation, but here goes.

What seems to be the general theme floating around these postings and the resultant commentary is what we--in the West--expect of our teachers, and what they see as their responsibility to us. What's really interesting to me is why these issues and expectations around the yoga student-teacher relationship seem so loaded and emotional. Are these really our spiritual leaders we're talking about? Someone invested in our mental well-being and development, who will let us down and disappoint us they turn out to exhibit human frailties? Why do some teachers encourage this kind of dependence?

Aside from a handful of senior teachers, aren't most people teaching primarily asana? Or at least, isn't this what most teachers are qualified to teach, without a lot of extra training in religion or counseling or psychotherapy? Why would you expect your yoga teacher to have any idea how to handle your spiritual development aside from leading a few chants or focused breathing exercises? Why would a teacher presume to be able to?

Am I mistaken? Does my role as a yoga teacher suggest I owe my students more than an effective sequence of poses and explanation to help create awareness of their own bodies? I don't want to be responsible for anyone else's spiritual life but my own. My classes are not hot or sweaty or competitive, but I never go beyond the basic physical aspect of the asana. If chemicals are released in the brain (and I suspect that they are) that calm my students and make them feel more satisfied or happy or mindful, that's great, but I would never tell them to interpret it as anything more than that.

Would you? Am I missing something?

Life Lessons from a Fishtank

As you know (or maybe you don't), we now have fish. Plural. We bought a Chinese Golden Algae Eater to clean up the tank and to keep Hot Wheels company. I know, they can be rough on goldfish, but so far everyone has enough food and space, and the only inhabitant getting harrassed is the snail (cuz he's been a bit mossy).

So, it was time to move onto interior decorating. One benefit of a geologist husband is I have a go-to guy for aquarium rocks that are fish-friendly and won't leach anything into the water or dissolve, etc. So we assembled a lovely tower of specimens and then transferred it into the tank to give everyone something to swim under and hang out one. Generally, just liven up the joint.

I knew it would be a bit traumatic for the fishes to have a pile of granite introduced into their space, but I figured they'd get over it. Well, all the finned inhabitants of our tank fluttered around the edges of the tank for hours, speeding past the rocks occasionally, without a second look.

Apple Snail (whether he is one or not, is still under debate, but this is now his name) sat quietly for about 10 minutes and then glacially, majestically sidled up to the sculpture to check it out. He stretched out of his shell the farthest I've ever seen to touch the rocks with his feelers and foot and then gracefully hoisted himself onto the rocks to continue his exploration.

How cool, how relaxed, how in control of the situation. In my habit of anthropomorphizing everything, I decided that this was a lovely example of how to deal with change. Approach with deliberate caution, check the situation out, explore thoroughly and embrace. I have never seen this snail from so many different angles as his cruised around his rocks. The other fish had come to terms with them by morning, but were still a bit flighty and suspicious (anthropo. again).

So I keep A.S. in mind. Something is always coming out from left field and I think I could learn a few things from a snail, my new, slimy role model. (And a bit less mossy, too, thanks to CGAE--called Nolo after a Hot Wheels Acceleracers character.)

The End of Overscheduling (yeah, right!)

It's always bittersweet when a job ends. You no longer see people, but you don't have to deal with the annoying ones anymore. You stop participating in certain activities, but you have time for others. It's a big disruption to the routine, but it's an opportunity to start something new.

I recently stepped away from a project that I was throwing myself into, but just couldn't keep up with, both energy- and emotion-wise. So I went against type and decided to quit rather than just keep limping along--it was time for a break. Guess what, the first night after that I had the best sleep in weeks. Hmmm.

All of a sudden I feel like I can focus, and the other projects that were only getting 30% attention (perhaps I should say, non-mommy attention), get boosted up to 50%. What's the point of over-extending, if everything gets short shrift...and I get tension headaches and can't sleep and am a real pill to live with.

The plate has been slightly cleared. Sitting there quietly to the side, was my dear friend Yoga, just waiting for me to get over this crazy urge to cure this country's bad eating habits and get back to business. So now I am thinking about the next chapter--a certification? a retreat? more writing? more blog?

Anyway, here's my challenge to you: take a look at your schedule and see if there's anything that can go. Surely there's something that is keeping you awake and could probably do without your brilliant contributions. Just think how much your other projects will thrive with that additional percentage point of attention. What's been quietly waiting for you to satisfy the urge?!?

Now I just have to finish the Yoga Journal article...

Neti, sweet Neti

Jen, of McSmithleyville asked the timely question: "I wonder if your readers have any thoughts on adjustments given that flu & cold season is approaching. One of the universities I teach at has documented cases of H1N1 flu and it makes me wonder if I should be "hands off" for the season, or longer?"

And just like that I, too, was laid low with the bug. I don't know if it's H1N1 (in deference to the pork producers in my home state of Iowa), but it's definitely respiratory and they say there is widespread flu activity in 21 states and almost all of it has tested as H1N1. So there you go.

On the plus side, it mostly seems like a really aggressive cold. The down side is now the boys are starting to droop...two weeks ahead of the vaccination. Sigh.

Here's what I'm doing:
1. Cancelled all my classes, so as not to be a vector. Plus, I had no energy to teach, anyway. For next week, I think focusing on verbal cues is probably the way to go, since this thing is so easy passed.
2. Got some major cold meds, so I could pass the day in a haze, without too much goo.
3. Brewing many pots of tea, kept warm with a lovely lamb tea cozy my mom knit me...constant hot liquids (Tazo's Wild Orange and Stash's Caffeine-free Peppermint are in the current rotation.)
4. Went out and got a Neti pot. I'm going to go all Ecoyogini here, but I can't say enough good things about how soothing this little item is. This is nothing special, just a plastic jobber from CVS (called a Sinus Wash), but I feel much clearer, post-Neti, and if hand-washing can eliminate 70% of the H1N1 germs, think how effective sinus-washing is! It's a bit odd (one of my students described it as self-water boarding), but not particularly gross and--like I said--completely soothing. I have some mild seasonal and dust allergies, so this should help, as well.

So, Yogis, how are you dealing with the bugs? Any problems with sick students showing up? Sick teachers? Any cute, handmade pots on Etsy I should take a look at?

My Two Cent's Worth

First, Read, then Discuss: Yoga Journal's article, and then Dawg's link.

The topic of teacher training licensing caught my eye in last week's My Yoga Mentor, and now Yoga Dawg linked a quick (rather annoying) bit from Katie Couric, so I thought I'd weigh in. Apparently, there is some talk of requiring NY yoga studios to be licensed by the state to run teacher training programs (14 other states already include such a requirement). Some see this as unnecessary government interference--a way to make a bit of money off of popular programs. Others think this will dilute trainings to some generic set of information far removed from yoga's original message. Will it guarantee quality, or just cookie-cutter-ness? Will it squeeze little studios out of existence and benefit big corporate entities? Will it force studios to take their programs seriously and not treat trainings as just a lucrative revenue stream?

I don't mind the idea of regulation. I think all the above situations are possible, positive and negative, but I think regulation by a neutral third party is not a bad idea, especially if it will help "legitimize" yoga--in the same way that licensing of massage therapists, acupuncturists, and chiropractors helped bring the benefits of such healing practices to a broader audience. Perhaps it will let new students use their medical insurance to pay for their classes, as some companies pay gym fees and the cost of other alternative therapies. It seems to me that this sort of standardization will give yoga a new audience and help bring students to the practice that would otherwise have been scared off by images of turbans and chanting and spiritual peer pressure (undeserved or no).

The YJ article says that most states base their assessment on Yoga Alliance's standards, which are by no means wishy-washy or reduce the tradition to a series of exercises. Perhaps teachers can use this type of training as a starting point and would use later workshops and retreats as a way to augment their basic knowledge...and could market themselves and licensed, trained, and specializing in whatever.

I've been researching teacher training programs myself and wondering if they were really worth the $2500 (perhaps students would be able to apply for gov't aid, if schools were licensed). My training was more of an apprenticeship and, while I know it was thorough and effective, a future employer would have no way to evaluate my background. I would like to have some sort of certification and I would rather have a designation that was meaningful to people outside the yoga world, rather than just a piece of paper with a cute seal.

A university Master's Degree confers a certain amount of authority because it is awarded by an institution that is accredited and recognized by a legislating body as insuring a level of expertise. Don't we want the same level of respect for our trainings from everyone, not just the yoga in-crowd?

Back-to-School

Well, here it is, the day-after-labor-day and not only can we be grateful that white heels have to go back in the closet, but it's time to get excited about school. Or at least enjoy that new-beginnings/fall-semester energy that comes this time of year. My eldest headed off to kindergarten, anxious but proud. He's still not sure about the all-day, all-week aspect of school, but is keen on the idea of school-provided hot lunch (yuck) and jungle gyms at recess.

As much as I hate to see days shorten and temperatures cool, I say good riddance to this year's cold, wet summer in the Midwest. All my tomatoes died from Blight last week and if that's how this season is going to reward all my hard work, I say, who needs it. Bring on the falling leaves and knitted garments!

The Y's classes start this week, so it's back to my regular teaching routine. I'm trying to incorporate more regular exercise this fall, too, to counteract stressful overscheduling and increase my stamina. Swimming is still a lovely workout, and I'm going to try to add some walking and perhaps a yoga class.

I have yet to find a local option that will work, but I'm going to branch out into the online world. I sampled a couple of classes at Yoga Download, that were quite acceptable, so I might give that a more regular go. Does anyone have other suggestions of podcasts of downloadable classes that they like?

This query is both for myself and for the next YJ article on creating an online yoga class. I'm fascinated by the internet as a teaching tool and how people have figured out how to exploit its potential in new and imaginative ways. The world gets smaller and smaller and, even though I really miss a hands-on, personal yoga class, I think there's some cool stuff to try out there...

So, whadaya think? Any thoughts on the matter? Secrets to share? I'm all ears, now that I don't have to schedule gardening into the mix (or making tomato sauce, for that matter...rats!).

Wisdom from the Masters...

Oh my dears. How neglectful I have been. I've been gobsmacked by life, lately (haven't we all) and just haven't been able to put pen to paper (so to speak). Back-to-school for husb and son #1, heart surgery for Dad, four juggled projects and renovations to the home. Not particularly settling or calming.

My BFF during all of this is Thich Nhat Hahn, a Vietnamese monk and author of the book Peace in Every Step. He should be required bedside reading for everyone. The book consists of many one-to two-page chapters reminding us to see beauty in all things, be mindful of the wonder of life, and to smile when confronted with adversity. He comes across as very sweet rather than naive and his writings serve as a good reminder to live in the moment, instead of fretting about things outside of our control. A perfect something to ingest before going to sleep and help quiet the thoughts.

He reminds me (or vice versa) of the wise and gentle turtle, Master Oogway, from Kung Fu Panda, who delivers many aphorisms during the film: "Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." (I'm not the only fan, check this out!) He, too, can teach us something about calming the "fluctuations."

So chill with some sages this month. Go for something more thoughtful from TNH, or lighter--yet just as insightful--with KFP. Anything to keep the mind clear and the thoughts positive.

The B*tch is Back...

Oh look, my old (friend) work-related stress has returned.

Just when it seemed like I was getting enough sleep on a regular basis, here I am at 3:30am, stewing about this thing and another--or just thinking--for a couple of hours. Motherhood-related stress was aggravating, but at least I got to the end of the day tired enough to just conk out for 6 or 7 hrs.(then waking up could be blamed on a young'un).

I'm juggling four different projects, these days, plus some home renovations that will require painting, and I can't get my mind to settle. It's not that the projects are all that aggravating, it's just that I feel kind of stretched and unable to give each enough attention. Oh yeah, and the boys. So, I've been getting headaches (again) and now this sleep-thing. I tried to limit caffeine today *sobs* and didn't take a nap, so I'd be good and exhausted when bedtime rolled around.

I've done a bit of consulting, too. Roger Cole has a useful chapter in Tim McCall's Yoga As Medicine that I intend to implement tonite, if necessary. Kelly McGonigal also has a informative article on stress on YJ's site (she has been a good source for a couple of articles and is an editor of International Journal of Yoga Therapy).

So, I am well-armed for this evening. Hopefully, I won't need it, but we'll see. ZZZzzzzzz

Speaking of Fishing...

I'm working on a new set of pitches (article ideas) for Yoga Journal's My Yoga Mentor, newsletter for teachers. (If you teach, you might like to subscribe...there are often some useful ideas and suggestions. And it's free!) However, I'm feeling a bit idea-less. Any suggestions for something you've been wondering about and would like some one else to do the research on? Issues that ought to be addressed?

A couple of ideas I've had are teaching yoga to boys, and creating an online yoga class. But I'd like to have a few more possibilities. Any thoughts?

Something Fishy is Going On...

I've always found fish tanks (stocked, of course) fascinating. Fish are so lovely, so graceful in the water with their fins waving in the current like streamers of silk. And the colors--bright orange and yellow, black and cobalt striped, iridescent green. So I've always thought I would like to have my own tankful to admire.

Well, I've got my chance. Eamonn brought a single goldfish home in a plastic baggie from the county fair on Friday and deposited it directly into my hands. This could be cool, I thought, or this could be an early lesson in death.

Since I never miss an opportunity to create more work for myself, I rushed over to the pet store to pick up a "Goldfish kit" to create a suitable, watery habitat for little "Hot Wheels." Meanwhile, the husb looked up "goldfish habitat" online and discovered that if we really wanted to take care of this newest member of the family, he'd need a much bigger tank, filter, etc etc.

Today Hot Wheels moved into 10x as much water as he had been swimming in, with geologically-appropriate gravel (my color-coordinated neon blue stuff was nixed) and 2 snails to keep him company. I suspect there are some more piscine friends in the future and I look forward to the naming process...

Apparently, watching fish has been proven to lower stress levels and blood pressure, so I'm thinking I have a new backdrop for my home yoga practice. If you've ever sat in front of a tank of jellyfish at an aquarium, you can certainly understand how watching our watery friends glide around would be calming. I'll have to do some research on appropriate tank mates, but, for now I have a new yoga buddy.

Ohm, Hot Wheels, Ohm.

Juicy Juice

If you haven't already been over there, check out Connie's new site at Dirty Footprints Studio--art, yoga, enthusiasm. It's a very inspiring page, with lots of pictures of paint pots and crayons and ideas for jump starting your creativity. She calls it your creative, juicy life. It's a lot of fun to read and just makes you want to surround yourself with art supplies and draw.

So, it's great timing for me, as I'm starting my first design project in years (six, to be exact). I'm very curious to see how the confluence of motherhood, yoga and costumes comes together. It's a really wonderful project; a collaboration with a dance professor at Beloit College who took a group of students to Tanzania to work at a school for AIDS orphans, called The Peace House. These are African teenagers who have applied to attend the boarding school, and who receive training to do such things as teach and help set up small businesses in their home villages. Chris and her dancers worked with these kids for a week, exploring ways to use movement and dance as a way to communicate and teach.

I didn't get to go to Africa (phooey), but I have been working with Chris upon her return--reacting to extensive photo documentation and collecting additional imagery as she begins the tricky process of turning her experience into choreography. This is my favorite part of any design project--trying to convert an emotional, ephemeral jumble of ideas into a concrete reality. A watchable production. It's probably the art historian in me, but I just can't get enough of listening to other artists try to describe their influences and, together, figuring out how to translate these thoughts into a new piece.

And then I have to express that with the clothes. I've never done dance before, but I've always found it very compelling. The design is essential to the realization of the piece because the costumes are one of the dancers' props. They emphasize movement, or hinder it, or make bigger (imagine a shaking flapper without her fringe). So the designer has to really understand the choreographers' intention and work closely as the dance develops to make sure the garments serve the final product.

We've had a couple of really exciting conversations in the last few weeks. Watching (and helping) Chris start to "unlock" this dance has been so gratifying...something I have missed. I look at Connie's blog and it makes me so happy to wearing my artist's hat (beret?) again.

If my past experience is any indicator, yoga is going to be extremely important to the process--stress reliever, brain releaser, calming device. And then there's the boys--how have these little monkeys changed my approach? I assume I'll be able to keep the whole thing in perspective a bit better (if you have to step away to remove a splinter, wipe up a chewed crayon, rescue a cat from a remote-controlled tarantula, you can't get too worked up about leotard choices). But I wonder what else has changed.

Exciting. Intriguing. Juicy.

5th Anniversary

Not only is today Eamonn's birthday, but it is also the fifth anniversary of my becoming a mother. Both momentous (and simultaneous) occasions in our household; the earth shifted and everything changed.

I often think about what a curious hazing early parenthood is--no sleep, a wailing baby, lots of blood and other bodily fluids, a complete lack of control. Also intense love, a desire to protect, possessiveness, joy, relief. All of these mighty emotions combined with the physical demands of healing and exhaustion rewire you completely. I wonder how different my brain chemistry is now compared to 2003--what neural pathways were connected to make sure I always think of the children first, hear a faint cry in the night, keep track of many disparate yet essential elements.

Yoga has been a touchstone through it all, especially in the early days when a Down Dog or Supta Baddha Konasana was my only connection to Life Before E. Not only did it unsnarl the painful knots that come from hunching over a helpless babe (why are they born before they can sit up?!?!?), but it helped me settle down and quiet voices that urged me to jump up and get something accomplished (impossible on 5 non-consecutive hours of sleep). Calming the Fluctuations...Pranayama, baby.

So here I am...five years out. A lot more experienced, not a whole lot smarter, but a more interesting person (I think). I live so much of my life outside of myself, these days, I think I have a much more mature perspective than I did back in the old days. After five years of trying to control the uncontrollable, you learn to let go a little bit. Chose your battles carefully. Turn the other cheek.

Here's to you, little man, as old as all the fingers on one hand. Happy Birthday, kiddo, and many Happy Returns!